Chapter 34 second quarter

Mariko's lethargy—I think she should still be there—has passed through the evening and is still going on.The doctor told me to ring the bell immediately if something happened, and then he turned and left the ward.In the following time, Future went out to deal with things a few times, but basically she stayed in the ward all the time.She seemed to dismiss the questioning of me after breakfast, and never mentioned it again. She called Chiori several times, and every time she called, a sad expression appeared on her face. My whole mind was very confused, and even when I wanted to think about something, my mood was in a mess.

Did Mariko really disappear?This is what is on my mind.If what she said before is correct, then Mariko can only stay in Chiori's body until midnight tomorrow at most.If she has been so lethargic and never wakes up, and if Mariko's body has stopped moving during this period, then the last conversation between us will only be in the intensive treatment room.If this is the case, it would be too painful and sad. If Mariko's death is really unavoidable, I don't want to end it anyway, and I prayed strongly in my heart. At least I hope Mariko can hear what Miku said to me in the morning.Those words should be able to slightly alleviate her tragic feelings about her own experience. If the prayer can be fulfilled, I also hope that there will be a conversation between Mirai and Mariko.

But time still passes by in an illusory way.I hardly talked to the future, only occasionally talking to the sleeping girl on the hospital bed, and then giving up, repeatedly. Shortly after sunset, Mr. Fujimoto and Ogiwara came over with dinner, and came to visit when they heard that Chiori was asleep.I sat on the sofa with Mr. Fujimoto, and Mirai sat on the chair with Hagi principle. "I think you must be very worried!" Mr. Fujimoto said with a heavy expression. He also told me that the construction of road restoration had started in the afternoon, but it was too late to be completed before sunset and had to be temporarily suspended, but at worst, the road could be opened before noon tomorrow.

Ogiwara just stammered, "I made omelet rice."The future cast a sideways glance at him. Afterwards, everyone couldn't find a topic to talk about, just remained silent, and the atmosphere was dull as if it had been a century. There was a knock on the door, and when I opened it, it was another nurse who was unable to return home and was living in the hospital. She said to Future, "Doctor Kurano wants me to call you over." After the nurse left with Future, The ward fell into silence again. "I heard that she is like a mother to the nursing center. I mean Mariko." I spoke first.

Mr. Fujimoto and Ogiwara looked at each other, nodded in agreement. "On the first day you visited, Mariko said that a small society naturally developed between the patients and their families here, right? Do you remember?" Mr. Fujimoto asked me, and this time it was my turn to nod. "But in my opinion, if Mariko is not here, this would not be possible. Maybe she also has the mentality of forgetting all the unpleasant things in the past, but since she came here, she has worked very hard. Not only the patients, but also the I can remember the names of the family members clearly, and I try my best to greet everyone first. I am already too busy with my work scope, but whether it is chores or when anyone needs her, as long as time permits, she will never Don't hesitate to help out. Or should I say, she actively finds something to do by herself! She said the word mutual help, but it was undoubtedly Mariko who drove the atmosphere in the first place."

Ogiwara, who was sitting on the side, deeply agreed with what Fujimoto said, and nodded vigorously frequently. "Aren't patients coming and going in and out of the hospital? Originally, the main purpose of this place is to help them return to their own lives as much as possible. However, the patients who just came in are all indifferent and unreasonable. Or should I say they are very nervous! Think about it, the only person who can break their defense at the beginning must be Miss Mariko." After Ogiwara finished speaking, he bit his lower lip solemnly.Then we both sighed heavily.

There was another knock on the door.It's the future, but she didn't enter the ward, her eyes were obviously bloodshot, she stood at the open door and said to us, "Dr. Kurano will be here soon, Mr. Fujimoto, please ask the doctor directly." After saying this, Mirai stared closely at Ogiwara.Ogiwara got up and put his arms around Mirai's shoulders and walked to the corridor.After the door was closed, the whimpering sound could still be heard.When I was nervously about to get up, the door opened again, and the doctor's face came in. "Mr. Fujimoto is here so it's no wonder you can't be found when you call the sanatorium."

The doctor looked at me, and then at Chiori lying on the hospital bed. "Aren't you awake yet?" "not yet." "However, it's still a bit inappropriate to talk here. That's fine, sorry, please follow me to the corridor!" When I followed the doctor out of the ward, I glanced at the bed, and seemed to feel her face trembling a little, but maybe it was a momentary illusion that I had been expecting her to wake up quickly! I closed the door behind my back.In the corner, I saw Mirai crying on Ogiwara's arm, but I couldn't see her face.The doctor looked at me and Mr. Fujimoto with a sad expression, and finally said hesitantly:

"Tomorrow, Mariko's meeting can be allowed." This sentence does not mean that the situation has been restored, on the contrary, it clearly implies the bad situation that will eventually come. "Do you mean that?" After a long silence, Mr. Fujimoto finally spoke. The doctor nodded quietly and closed his eyes.There was silence all around, only the sound of future whimpering and crying echoed in the empty corridor. "There's not much time left, go see her as early as possible! We'll be ready at nine o'clock." "Really? I see." Mr. Fujimoto nodded weakly.Then fell into silence, no one spoke.

"Where's the driver?" Mr. Fujimoto asked the doctor. "His recovery is going well," replied the doctor.This good news did not lighten the dignified atmosphere at the scene. Mirai stopped crying, said that she would sleep here tonight, and asked Ogiwara to help with some trivial matters around her father.Mr. Fujimoto said that taking care of the doctor's wife would require the help of another patient's family member who is qualified as a nurse.The two returned to the sanatorium with dejected and heavy steps.When I walked them to the main entrance, they kept telling me that I should at least eat something to keep my strength.The future and the doctor disappeared on the way to the medical room.

I went back to the ward alone, and the girl still had her eyes closed tightly and hadn't woken up yet. I have no appetite, but I do feel the emptiness in my stomach, and the stuffiness around it is very uncomfortable.I took out a meal for one person, and mechanically picked up the cold meal, feeling as if I almost lost the strength to crush it. The meal stuffed into my mouth was divided several times before I swallowed it.Fortunately, there is soup to go with it. After eating about half of it, I felt that I really didn't know the taste and couldn't eat any more.Throw away the leftover vegetables and rice, wash the dishes and return to the ward.I found the omurice in the food box when I was packing up the empty plates.I didn't even notice it in a trance just now, I shook my head and placed the dinner plates next to the door. Suddenly, I found something like a paper layer in the corner of the food box, which was unnaturally crumpled up. I picked it up, spread it out, pulled it, and it broke immediately.Probably paper!It seems to be cut into thin strips of paper with a knife or something.What is the use of?I couldn't think of it either, so I threw it into the trash can. I whispered to Mariko.Still no response. I was so tired I didn't feel like doing anything or even thinking.Sit on the sofa and close your eyes, just go to sleep, I thought.Although the lights were still on, it was a hassle to even stand up and turn them off. I sit and sleep until the future shakes me up. "Mr. Kisaragi, you will catch a cold like this, don't add more patients to the hospital." After shaking me awake, she said softly.There was an unnatural smile on his face. "Ah, thank you." "How? Continue to sleep?" "No, um, I'll check Chiori's condition, and there's nothing else to do." The name, that is, after I carefully chose to address her, a surprised expression appeared on Mirai's face.She pursed her mouth, and there was a gentle look in her eyes that was exactly the opposite of the expression on her face.But then it turned into the stiff smile just now. "Really? Me too. It seems that I can't calm down if I don't do something, but I don't want to leave the hospital, so I thought it would be good to come and change her underwear. It also happens to be menstrual period. If I don't change it, I might feel uncomfortable." Get comfortable, so if you could get out there for a while, that would be greatly appreciated." "Really? Then I'll trouble you. It just so happens that I haven't smoked for a long time." "Then please draw slowly!" Mirai sent me to the lobby with a calm smile. I don't know how many cigarettes have been smoked here?I thought about it and lit the fire.The hall at night is more deserted and empty. I was thinking about Mariko and Chiori.Where are the two of them?If the hearts of the two are both in their sleeping bodies, then how can I find out?I have a lot of things I want to say to Mariko and Chiori, but I feel at a loss. Hearing the sound of approaching footsteps, I turned my head and saw Dr. Kurano walking towards me.As if the image of yesterday was reborn, he lit a cigarette while walking, and then sat down beside me with a hi-yo. "Can't calm down, can you?" "No, maybe it's a little bit! But I took a nap for a while." "I also took a short nap. I used to develop the habit in the emergency department. I can fall asleep whenever I have free time. Even if I only sleep for 30 minutes, I can wake up immediately and continue to fight. But recently I feel a little hard, although I haven't planned to become an old man so early, but time will not give me, and my physical strength has indeed declined a lot." The doctor smiled bitterly, "To be honest, although the body is my own thing, it is easy to get rid of it with just a little bit of trouble. Betrayal of myself. Especially since I’ve been in this business, and I’ve come to realize it all the more.” "Did the future go to your place?" The doctor continued to ask. "Yes, I'm asking her to take care of Chiori now." I replied. "Really?" The doctor nodded. The two fell silent suddenly. After a while, the doctor said: "Let's talk about something irrelevant!" I looked up at him in a little surprise, and he continued, "If you keep spinning around on the same thing, your brain will become more and more confused and unable to function." "Is that so?" I asked him back without thinking. "That's right, that's what happened, please believe me more or less!" The doctor replied with a wry smile. "Before I came here, after working in brain surgery for about three years, I left the hospital to work in other research units for about a year. That was to prepare for the transfer to this position. The profession of doctors also needs some Yeah, uh, maybe a bit like gold edging on a résumé! I was a little bit older than you are now. "At that time, I happened to be conducting experiments on the brains of apes. To embed electrodes in the brains, a part of the skin had to be removed first. Of course, experiments were also conducted here, but assignments like this were all left to young people. The guy to deal with. I don’t know when, I will also be promoted to this identity.” The doctor stared straight ahead, and began to talk about those past events: "The brains of apes are only different in size, and others are almost very similar to humans. In general, the confirmation of the basic assumptions is quite sufficient. The analysis of the range of motion, vision, and response to dynamics, etc., is almost always using apes. experiments to confirm. "Because of this, I have a deeper and wonderful understanding and understanding of living things. It is not limited to the brain, as long as it is a living thing such as mammals, the number of lungs or livers, or other organs that perform the same function, in the body Almost all are the same. The stomach of herbivores is an exception, but the so-called life is basically formed with the same structure. I have been thinking about these things for granted for a while. Humans did evolve from apes. Come. This made me re-recognize the theory and viewpoint of this great man Darwin. "But in this way, I have a new question - what is the decisive difference between humans and animals? The difference between humans and apes may be easier to understand, at least what I did at the time The comparison object is no other animals except apes. We often say that only humans will kill each other between the same races. In fact, it is not the case. In a certain species of primates, as long as the leader’s generation changes in the cluster, there is a predecessor Young apes of the leader line are all killed. Such cases have been confirmed." "Are these words boring?" the doctor asked me. "No." I shook my head. "My conclusion is this. In my opinion, it is probably only between human beings, such as other individuals who have no parent-child relationship, that is, other individuals who have nothing to do with themselves biologically. Even so, it is not always because of their own Will you betray the other party willfully? "It will also expose itself to danger because of other individuals. For example, in order to protect the chicks, some birds will use themselves as bait to lure natural enemies to a distance. But this is at most just to protect their own genetics Genes drive themselves instinctively. No bird will use itself as a bait for the birds in other nests. In front of natural enemies, it is even more impossible for herbivores to use themselves as bait instead of other companions. Action. The leader of the group knows that the pain of the body still wants to fight the foreign enemy, and the most important thing is to protect their own blood. And only humans will do that kind of thing." The doctor lit another cigarette and took a deep breath.Purple smoke swirls and dances under the fluorescent lights, floating in the air. "It's not a conclusion or anything, it's just my personal opinion at most. You can say it's self-sacrifice, but I always feel that it's a little superficial. However, anyone who has ever thought about this kind of thing feels like It has become a norm that I live by, and I no longer just blindly pursue my own happiness, but think that it is the most human-like way of life for me! "Of course, there are occasional times of self-pity and self-harm. In the real world, everyone is struggling to protect themselves, and even subconsciously do hurtful things. Weak human beings without fangs and claws The society constructed by self-preservation can be said to be completely useless. Instead, it only shows the disgusting society of intrigue and mutual exploitation. However, it cannot be generalized. At least for me, I think everything is up to me, Live like a real person." Looking at the doctor who was shaking his head, I realized that my current thoughts are the source of his ability to work overworked all the time!I can't help but respect from the bottom of my heart. "Two thousand years ago, Jesus Christ himself chose to be crucified on the cross. He believed that what he did was for the world. I don't know if that man was with the Son of God, but why did he think that kind of action can save the world? Is that theory correct or not? I can't give an opinion, but modern people use this as an argument too much, right? "However, in fact, the man is willing to deny his own principle of happiness or unhappiness for the sake of other irrelevant individuals, giving up the individuality of the so-called self. For others, he is so sure. In the ultimate sense, is this Whether a real person acts or not, I think it is impossible to know with the intuition of ordinary people! Therefore, after two thousand years, the words of a man are still continuously affecting all living beings? Sometimes I You can't help but think about it when you're there, where—I mean the church." "I know." I nodded. "Whether there is a god in this world, I don't know. However, occasionally I have a very miraculous idea about the life of my body. The human body will generate all kinds of things in the body regardless of will. Such enzymes, and as long as one of the enzymes is disordered, human beings will die at once, and there is no visible trauma. I often feel very emotional that we human beings are really allowed to survive in this world! But on the contrary, I I also have a very strong awareness that I am also alive, I want to live well, not give up on myself, and continue to live in the world with pride." This is how he lives.And what about me, can I be proud of myself too?I can't help but ask myself.Then I suddenly realized that I don't care about my own affairs now.But Mariko in the treatment room, she is really the one who can be proud of herself.Mariko is indeed qualified for this.In that short conversation in the treatment room, in order to wash away her sentimentality, I had to convey this fact to her to let her know, to let her know about it. But is there still a chance?I asked myself again. No matter what words I use to tell her, words or words may not be able to convey feelings. I deeply believe that even if I say it, it may not have much meaning, and the words I say are just floating in the air. Chiori, I need help——I suddenly had this thought.But, in fact, maybe I am not praying to Chiori, but to some unknown power. "I told the future those words." The doctor's sudden words interrupted my thoughts. "what?" "I only explain what you say, but I reserve my opinion." "Then...does she believe what I say?" "You can confirm this yourself!" The doctor stood up and urged me back to the ward.He lit a new cigarette, and only waved at me to urge me to go. "Then, I'll go first." I nodded and walked towards the ward, feeling the burning gaze of the doctor behind me, that kind of familiar feeling is very nostalgic. Mirai sat on the sofa where I always sat, staring at the hospital bed.But his face seemed more relieved. "Oh! It's Mr. Kisaragi." She only glanced at me to confirm it was me. "Aren't you awake yet?" "Yeah, unconsciousness is really worrying. When I helped her change her clothes in the morning, she still felt very light. Why is she so heavy now? It took a lot of effort to even move her feet." The future took a deep breath, and after putting down the hands on his knees, he just stared at his fingertips for a while, and finally shrugged and said: "If you want to lie to me, please make up the lie better. However, this kind of outrageous, but more convincing people, I mean me." After finishing speaking, the future finally raised his face to look at me, "But—— —However, if the person lying here is really Miss Mariko, I would like to talk to her. However, even if it is true, I don’t know what to say to her, but I definitely want to talk to her, so I I just waited here for her to wake up, but she still didn't wake up. I almost wanted to slap her twice to wake her up, but I found that she seemed to sleep peacefully, it was bitter, but at least she looked peaceful .” "Look." I followed the instructions of the future and looked at Mariko's face.Indeed, compared with the epileptic seizure, the expression on the face is quite peaceful and peaceful.The dangerous situation seen in the treatment room is also gone.I feel a lot less pressure on my shoulders. "Since Mr. Kisaragi has returned, I'll go to Mariko's place to have a look." Mirai said as he stood up, and suddenly pressed his hands around his eyes and sat back on the sofa. "Are you OK?" "Hey, I'm sorry. I just felt a little dizzy." "You didn't sleep at all, did you?" "Well, I don't know why today, I always feel dizzy." "It's better to take a little rest. Or just sleep here!" "No. Well, I'll go to the nursing station to rest. There is another nurse from the nursing center who will be here today. Her father is even more difficult than my father. He has to use a wheelchair and has to accompany him at meals. But she told me that she will come to take over today and ask me to take a break." "That's right, I also ask you not to add any more patients." Hearing what I said in the future, she pretended to be angry, and then burst out laughing. "She, no, I will take good care of Chiori's body. If something happens, I will ring the bell immediately. I have slept just now, so it's okay if I don't sleep now." I said. "Then, Mr. Kisaragi, I have a request." "What request?" "If—that, Miss Mariko wakes up, you must call me immediately!" I nodded slowly. "That's the deal!" "Okay, I promise you." "That's up to you." After repeating his worries in the future, he turned and left with somewhat vain steps.I stood and stared at the sleeping face of Mariko who had Chiori's face.What am I going to tell her if she wakes up?How could she know what she was doing was something to be proud of?I can't stop thinking about these things. I pulled the sofa to the edge of the bed and sat down, holding her hand like last night, the night before.There is a warm feeling in the small palm, but the fingers are not wrapped around like before. You must wake up, please... When I realized it, I held her little hand tightly.The long night has begun.