Chapter 44 Section VIII

I had to suffer without beer after the shower. Sure enough, I washed it earlier.I went back to the unoccupied room, turned on the light, and sat by the low coffee table. The ashtray was clean, and I don’t know who cleared it.I opened the window and smoked while waiting for Mariko to come back. While waiting, I couldn't help recalling the scene of chatting with Chiori and Mariko in this room four days ago.The night sky outside the window is still the same as that night, full of twinkling stars.It seemed to me that the night had continued since then without a break, but it seemed to me that there seemed to be an unusually long period of time between the two.

The concert, the accident, and a series of things that happened next: Chiori, who should exist, is not there, and Mariko, who is not there, is in Chiori's body; Mariko's fear and panic; what happened in the treatment room; sleepiness—all Everything passed in disorder before my eyes. I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. I can't tell how I feel right now.Are you happy that Chiori is back by my side?Or grieving the impending loss of Mariko?Which is my true mood?If only one mood is a member, should I deny the other?However, I know this distinction is wrong, and that's all I can be sure of.I tried to figure out what I was feeling, what I was thinking, and ended up being so confused I had to give up.

I suddenly thought of my father, and Chiori's parents.These dead people broke into my unsuspecting mind abruptly, as if they had been hiding somewhere looking for such an opportunity. Mariko is going there. I inadvertently thought about it.But not only her, me, Chiori, mother, Mr. Fujimoto, Mirai, Ogiwara, Kurano couple, old people who met when I took Chiori to perform, classmates who shared the same time, teachers and couples from foreign countries, their own Conductor in exile from Russia, one day, everyone has to go there in the end, no matter who they are, that place will not refuse anyone, but in the same way, we are not allowed to refuse to go.

Unknowingly, the chaotic thoughts were integrated into this appearance. If the mind can exist even if it is separated from the body, then we must meet again in that place.No, perhaps our meeting again cannot escape the domination of "chance".Just like the encounter between me and Chiori, and the reunion with Mariko here, all the encounters and separations may be controlled by a unique and inevitable force called "chance". So, what is manipulating this "accident"?What put my heart into this body, made me lose a finger, took away Chiori's ability to speak, and then took away Mariko's body forever?It would be too arbitrary to call this mastermind behind the scenes "fate".

Maybe it was— "I kept you waiting." Mariko walked into the room wearing a shirt and skirt that didn't match her blush cheeks, and said briskly. I suddenly couldn't tell whether it was Chiori or Mariko standing there. "very good mood?" "Yes! It's very good. I feel comfortable all over after washing." The brooch on Mariko's chest flickered.Maple leaves, ladybugs, inanimate flesh, thoughts without a trace came to my mind, but Mariko was completely unaware of my strange state, combed her wet hair with her hands, and let the evening wind dry it.

"Let's go!" "Where are you going?" "I just said that I want you to accompany me to the place." The girl smiled.Mariko is alive and alive until now.She's still alive, but— We are all allowed to live, but it is up to us to live or not. Why did this sentence wake up in my mind at this moment? "It's cold outside, do you have a coat?" "No, I'm in the hospital." "Then there's no way." "Don't you yourself wear only a thin shirt?" "I'm sorry, I forgot myself. If I catch a cold by accident, please apologize to Chiori for me." Mariko puffed up her cheeks, stuck out her tongue mischievously, then let out a chuckle, and took my hand Say, "Let's go!"

"You said it will be cold, are you going to a place for a picnic at noon?" We walked in the quiet corridor. "Although you are quite clever, it must be pitch black and you can't see anything now—forget it, tell you, I want to go to church." "why?" "Because I think it's a good time to go there, and there's a piano there." "But I—" "Anyway, let's go!" We walked out of the hallway and along the perimeter of the building to the back door.Although there is no lighting outside, the walkway is clearly visible from the light pouring from the corridor windows.However, even without the light of the corridor, the light of the stars alone should be enough to illuminate the path underfoot.I looked up, and the full moon, which I couldn't see from the window of the room, was now hanging high in the night sky, much bigger than what I saw in the city.Mariko walked in front and took my hand, perhaps because she wanted to cherish the little time left, her pace was extremely fast.

As I thought, the light from the sanatorium could not reach the church, but the surrounding area was not as dark as I imagined. Of course, it is also possible that the eyes have become accustomed to the darkness.As soon as she saw the entrance of the church, Mariko let go of my hand, hurried to open the door, then turned to face me, and said "Please come in" in a gentle voice. The interior of the church is much brighter than I imagined. The moonlight reflected from the stone wall casts a hazy blue on the interior of the church, only the shadows of the pews are black.The central aisle emerges from the shadows, and at the end of the aisle is the piano that has not been put back since the concert.Perhaps it was because too many things happened at once, and no one was in the mood to move it back to its original place, but I vaguely felt that all of this was deliberately arranged.

"The church at night has a very different atmosphere," I said. "Yes, it always feels very quiet." "How should I say it? It's a bit mysterious, but it doesn't seem quite right." We stood side by side at the entrance facing the central aisle, the door behind us was wide open. "I understand what you mean." Mariko slowly walked up the central aisle, "If prayers during the day are awe of God and pray for blessings, then prayers at night are the fear of death. What is pervading here now is a This mood of desperately begging for salvation is also my mood for the past four days." Mariko turned around, walked slowly backwards, and waved at me, "Didn't I say that I had a dream?"

"Yeah." I also took a step. "In the dream, I was standing here like I am now. Although it was Qianzhi's appearance, the person in Qianzhi's body was me. I know this is strange, and I feel very puzzled, but I feel it is natural. Mariko, who had been walking backwards, arrived at the piano. She turned her head and glanced, then leaned on the piano and continued, "It was midnight. I was sitting in front of the piano, and the only audience was you. It's so strange, my piano level can only play Bayer, and I've never played the piano in front of people, so I feel very nervous, and I found that I have experienced this a few times before-the nervousness is hard, like the feeling of adrenaline rush. You should have experienced it too Countless times like this experience!"

I shook my head quietly, not knowing how to react. "Kisaragi—" Mariko's expression suddenly became infinitely sad, "I want to thank you and Chiori before I leave. Because Chiori lent me all this time, and you helped me everywhere, so I can tidy myself up Feelings, thank you very much.” "Don't say that, I'm not helping at all." "There is no such thing, don't deny your own value." Mariko suddenly looked directly into my eyes with serious eyes. "Your behavior has become a habit. However, I have always been unclear about my own affairs, and I still do so to this day, so I have no right to criticize others." She sighed softly Tone, "However, fortunately, it's too late, I think this is really great." Mariko murmured, then raised her head suddenly, with the brightest smile I've ever seen on her face. There was really light shining on her face, I think, it should be the tears in her eyes reflecting the starlight ! "I can go there to meet my parents with my head held high, and I have to say to them, thank you for giving birth to me." Mariko's gaze was full of solemnity, "So I am no longer afraid." "You mean, you don't have any regrets?" I was a little confused and asked my question. "Not at all." Mariko frowned slightly, "I don't think there will be people without regrets in this world. There are still many things in this world that I am nostalgic for. Even now, I still feel why my The body has to die. And I've had so much trouble meeting you and talking to you, why do I have to end it now? I can't say enough about my regrets, and I want to see a sweet dish on the table Shrimp Cuisine, also wants to attend Ogiwara and Mirai's wedding, and it would be a lie to say that I have no interest in watching that person's children grow up, I really hope to see that family pass on for a long time as I prayed. So I'm not completely without regrets, and there are too many to count. But - how should I put it - those regrets can be let go, I just have enough to make my chest proud in front of my parents. gone." She lowered her gaze abruptly, then raised her face again. "I have many regrets, and the biggest regret is that I can no longer hear your piano and chat with you. It sounds like I said this because my ex-husband remarried, but although I have told myself I have been in a confused mood, but I still want to tell you——I like you." She smiled a little embarrassedly, "I like the way you guard Qianzhi by the side, talking and playing patiently with her, and, you give people The impression is much better than before. Of course, I don't know much about you at that time." Mariko pulled out the piano chair and sat down quietly. "Well, go on with the dream I had—you found me so nervous that I couldn't move my fingers, and you couldn't bear it, so you went to the piano—come, come here." Mariko opened the lid of the piano, put her hands on the keys, and gestured to me with her eyes.I approached slowly, just like how I taught Chiori to play the piano before, and stood next to Mariko who was sitting on the piano chair. "Even so, I still can't play the piano, my fingers are still stiff. No, I can't play the piano, of course my fingers can't move. But I still feel helpless and restless, and I secretly look at you with attachment. Then, You just smiled with a very peaceful and sad expression, and then—kissed me." Mariko looked at my uneasy face and laughed. "and then?" "No, that's it. The dream is over here. That's why I thought, if I dress up like in the dream, maybe the dream will come true." Mariko smiled mischievously, grabbed my left hand to see Looking at his watch, "It's less than an hour before twelve o'clock, but I already feel very satisfied, and this body should be returned to Chiori." "Are you really leaving?" "Yeah! Almost there. Because magic always dies with the stroke of twelve, doesn't it?" Our eyes meet again. "Shall we kiss?" Mariko nodded, "I think Chiori will allow it!" I bent down to match Mariko's height.She closed her eyes gently.This is Chiori's face, but I am willing to believe that it is Mariko, because I only feel her.The moment I touched her lips, I also closed my eyes.Fair skin and pink lips were the last thing I saw.I gently put my lips on top of those lips. - Now it's your turn. I hear this. I can't tell what happened to me after that.That's probably what happened—the end of the miracle. The moment his lips touched, a sense of uneasiness as if sinking into an abyss ran through his body.I found myself surrounded by stars, and felt dizzy as if I had been exiled to the universe, and then I lost consciousness. I heard the sound of something falling to the ground, and opened my eyes, only to find a pair of white hands resting on the keys.It was Chiori's hands, and the nails grew a little longer.I thought to myself, no wonder, I haven't cut her nails since the accident, but I still have the heart to think about it.At this moment, I found myself sitting on the piano chair, so the hands I saw just now should be my hands.I couldn't help swallowing a mouthful of saliva. I'm in Chiori's body. ——Aren’t you good at playing? I heard a voice, it seemed to be Mariko, and it seemed to be Chiori's voice.But maybe neither, because that voice didn't really make a sound. What exactly is going on?I wanted to look around, but I couldn't turn my neck. I only felt a strong force on my shoulders, which made the slender wrist in front of me tremble slightly. I'm sitting at the piano, unable to leave, and can still feel the long hair on my shoulders. ——This is her last wish, and it is also the wish of you and that little girl. Subconsciously, I opened my left hand and placed my thumb and little finger on the black keys with the C-sharp mark.The five fingers in front of him are all intact. — Play it! I held my breath, feeling terribly excited with tension and anticipation. can i playWant me to play? But, in front of my eyes were hands, and beneath them were the bright black and white colors that had been waiting for me.This kind of self-doubt doesn't make any sense at all. —Yes, you just have to play it. I close my eyes, then slowly open them.I am ready to start anytime, anytime.I've been waiting for this moment for eight years. I was not in the slightest bewildered or surprised.Just quietly pump power into your fingers. Arpeggios of bass chords and triplets.The notes slide out silently.Sonata of the Night-this is the name of the song in the era when the composer was active, and "Moonlight" is an alias used by a poet to describe this song in the future. The first movement, sustained Adagio. The music quietly fills the church late at night.The notes bounced and echoed on the stone wall, gently surrounding me. The notes fall lower and lower with the chords, as if mourning.The little finger of the left hand holding the lowest note is ready to hit the keys, and the ring finger lightly takes its place. During this period, the three fingers on the inside of the right hand continue to play the arpeggio, and the ring finger and little finger strike the main melody from the fifth bar.I adjusted my mood and opened my palms as far as possible to the outside, so as not to let the notes have any deviation and delay. I still remember, vividly remember—— I don't need sheet music.The three movements in my memory are all awakened, I am fully prepared for the next notes, and I will not disrupt the rhythm by hitting the keys too early, I just recall the next note in order, and then play it a note.The configuration of the fingers, addition and subtraction of strength, continuous sound, speed, staccato, etc., are almost all consciously, no, it should be said that they have flowed out as notes before they are realized to belong to memory. My fingers strike the keys without a moment's hesitation, and the performance that reverberates in the room and reaches the ears is undoubtedly my masterpiece. —Look!You can play, can't you?Play to your heart's content!For her, and for yourselves. This is real!I can really- —Don't think about anything, just think about the movement of your fingers.Focus on your eyes, only those hands that are yours now. I nodded slightly. Like the beginning, the end of the first movement ends with an adagio.Then, the scale changes, starting a three-beat long scale with the same fundamental note. The second movement, slightly allegro. Although the rhythm is characterized by a weak rise, it is a song that gives people a light impression.There are not many syllables in this movement, so I feel a little more emotionally.The moment I confirmed the beating of my fingers, I raised a question. Mariko, is that you?What do you know about this matter? ——Is this a matter?No, I don't know, I just want to hear you play again.But when you asked me this way, I found that I understood a little bit. If I'm here, where are you? —I am here, still in here.I'm listening carefully, so you don't have to think about it anymore. --focus. But-- The movement of more than two minutes ended quickly.I stopped and took a breath. The next movement was a challenge. Although I remembered the music, I didn't have much confidence to interpret it perfectly.But the joy of being able to play the piano again continued to grow.I gently closed my eyes and struck the keys again. The third movement, the rapid allegro. The sixteenth notes are like a torrent splashing out, rushing out suddenly at the beginning.This is the first theme, each bar carries a strong staccato as a chord, and Zuo Yu keeps hitting short notes.Those intervals are also transformed into colorful and chaotic notes in each bar. After the second theme, the sixteenth notes are moved to the left hand.Two tones or three tones appear repeatedly like waves, forming a melody like a song. Then, the right hand moves back and forth in high notes, unfolding the third theme inscribed in eighth notes.The imposing staccato leaves no room for breathing, and the fingers are played more quickly and powerfully. At this time, I realized that the touch from my fingertips was slightly different from the feeling in my memory. Although it was a little shorter, it was full of strength. Not only was it smooth and natural when I struck the keys, even the tremolo could be mastered quickly. The comfortable mood overrides the subtle sense of incongruity, completely oblivious to the reason for the difference.I just focused myself on the torrent of notes pouring out of my hands.The music splashed out from my fingertips and swept towards me. After the three themes are presented consecutively, the music returns to the first theme again.I was obsessively unaware that I was playing, as if caught in a torrent of music, but I could still feel a little bit that I was in the midst of a raging thunderstorm. Tap, tap.Is this from the sound of the rain, or from my fingertips?My consciousness has long been beyond words.The rushing music was so intense that it overwhelmed my consciousness, my heart was placed in the music, and the music surrounded all my thoughts, and the boundary between the two had long since been destroyed. Then, I feel it. --disturbed.The uneasiness of the flesh coming out of the threshold. "Sometimes the body can easily betray even its own will." ——That's what he wanted to express. Human hearing rebels occasionally, as if foretelling that one day it will be lost.It can be called the auditory sense of our musician's life. Will one day we no longer hear the sound?His uneasiness, fear, and despair are the truth hidden in the short tune. Snatched fingers, taken away words, taken away existence, these words echoed everywhere. While despair turned into anger, it also turned into prayer.The two extremes of opposites are actually connected by a certain common point, which is a nature that can only be described as intense. Pray for redemption with the intensity you share with anger and rage. Why do people live?Is it God who keeps mankind alive?Why did he choose this flesh?Why did he choose this existence?Why put his soul into this body?Why let him bear this fate?Why persist in taking away what has been given? The unfulfilled prayer makes the anger even higher. It surges up from the bottom of the heart, spurts out, forms a vortex, and generates power from the chaos. This kind of strong emotion may be compared with fighting spirit. ——That’s right, that is indeed a fighting spirit worthy of the name. A limited lifespan was extremely irrational from the start.Why does the beginning exist for the end?What should be done during this period from start to finish?What was he supposed to do, amidst the anxiety that the power he believed in might be taken from him?While he questioned, he also lived hard to fight.His fighting spirit is his life force. Only then did I realize for the first time that it is this vitality that runs through the whole piece. These thoughts flowed up and down my body, surged from my body, overflowed from my fingertips, poured into my ears, and then erupted from my whole body. He nodded somewhere, his disheveled hair and serious expression seemed familiar. After the repetition mark is over, the melody of the second theme moves to the left hand, and the music is ready to go to the end. I felt in a trance, and my fingers kept wandering dazedly, and I found that the distance between me and myself had gradually blurred. Mariko is here.Chiori is here.Father and mother are also there. Not only them, but also the teacher and his wife, Mirai, the professor, Fujimoto, Dr. Kurano, Ogiwara—everyone who might be related to me was there.I found myself gathering up the dross they left behind, and realizing that it was me. Again I hand over the melody to my left hand.It's almost the end.The chords of the right hand seemed to correspond to the left hand, bringing out the same melody, and then the rushing notes turned into the final wave. Notes run wildly back and forth across the keys, triplets, sextuplets, quintuplets.The turbulent waves that seem to destroy the melody and rhythm meet the climax in the long vibrato, and then turn into a slender waterfall and cascade down in one breath. A whole note of silence. Then, the main theme revived again like a lingering rhyme.The coda-decorating sixteenth notes that flow from the left and right hands swirl, while the staccato tonic rises and rises again. The final bell rings and it's over. - All wishes come true. Thank you.It was great to hear you play at the end. Mariko, where are you? However, the same dizzy feeling from the kiss came over me quickly again. It's time for me to go, it's a bit early, but enough is enough, I'm very satisfied. Mariko! Listen to me, although all my thoughts will disappear with me, there is only one thing that will remain—for Chiori. Mariko—— Kisaragi, I'm so glad to see you again, thank you for being here. I kept calling out for Mariko, but my gradually receding consciousness made me unable to say anything more. Light swirls around me. goodbye.