Chapter 37 first quarter

When the chirping birds began to appear outside the window, it was still too early. I got up and looked out the window, still in the gloomy appearance of the night.Although the sky was still dark, there were small, shrill and high-pitched birdsong from nowhere, very joyful and noisy.The continuous rain finally stopped yesterday afternoon. Looking up at the sky, it must be a good day with clear sky and bright sunshine today.Although the starlight seems to have weakened a lot, there are still quite a few stars on the sky. It is no wonder that the birds are so happy in such a good weather. That one is probably Venus, it seems to be called the star of the sky, and this star is the only one shining with strong light in the sky.Looking at these scenery, I suddenly thought of the saying that the sparrow is the messenger to welcome the soul, which country's legend is it? I wanted to scratch my head, but I couldn't think of it.

The birds galloped and flew as they wished in the background of the sky that was beginning to turn white.A large group of birds flew in the same direction in a hurry, and a bird that was a circle bigger than them flew from the other end. The group of birds still kept on going up to avoid the big bird.There was another group dancing around in the forest under their eyes.At first, it was only a dark shadow, but as the sky gradually brightened, the outline gradually became clear, and some tea-brown colors could be seen on the wings. The dawn will soon be shining.A new day has come.But this may be the last morning that Mariko will welcome.

"Mariko, dawn!" I want her to see the view of the rising sun.I went back to the couch and took her hand again.The sun is about to rise.I desperately suppressed the urge to shake her shoulders, and just held that little hand tightly. "Mariko—" Her eyelids slowly opened, and her eyes met mine. "Kisaragi—me, what's wrong with me?" "I'll explain it to you later, but take a look outside first." "what?" "I want you to see this. It's cleared outside and the sun is about to rise." Surprised, she sat up, nodded and climbed out of the hospital bed to the window.First I heard the sound of birdsong, which was noisier than before.A corner of the sky began to smudge bright red.

Mariko stared intently at the slowly rising sun.He stared intently as if he forgot to blink. At some point, the sky turned into transparent white.A blurred red color spreads slowly in front of my eyes, and a small dot centered on myself creates a small piece of blue around me. At first, this small piece of blue was just a faint color, but then it changed into nothing. It spread at a comparable speed, and it didn't take long to dye the sky blue, and the world was finally fully awake. "It's really beautiful. I can see it almost every day, but it's the first time I think the sunrise is so beautiful."

Mariko quietly moved to my side and took my hand.I could clearly feel the warmth and strength from the hand, and felt a sense of relief in my heart, as well as a loving and gentle breath. Mariko's eyes suddenly turned to the other side, and she whispered, "Routine walk! I can take a walk today!" I followed her gaze, and the team stepping out of the sanatorium was slowly moving forward, quietly bathed in the dawn.I can't help but think of the scene carved in the sunset when I arrived on the first day.However, under the blue sky, although there is still a solemn atmosphere, it is very different from the impression of marching.

Mariko turned her face to the sun again, the corners of her mouth slightly raised. "Mr. Fujimoto overslept, today's walk is later than usual." Mariko's smiling face suddenly collapsed, and before I was surprised, she let go of my hand, "I remembered, I seem to have done something It's an outrageous thing." Mariko sat down on the sofa tiredly, her shoulders slumped.She looked up at me with remorse and pain on her face. "I actually want Qianzhi to disappear, I actually want her to disappear instead of me——I'm really ashamed to see you." "You didn't, though."

"But I have thought about it. I have thought about ending everything like this!" Mariko said rudely. "Chiori is fine—probably fine." "Really? That means my body is still alive?" I nodded and stared straight at her.She glanced at me quickly, then lowered her head in panic and evasion. "After that, I thought about it carefully. You should be very clear, right? The power cord is connected to the electrocardiogram monitor. That is to say, you know that nothing serious will happen if you tear it off, but you deliberately put it on Put your hand on that, huh?"

"Really, I don't remember." Mariko raised her face and smiled at me faintly. She didn't confirm my speculation, but shook her head and whispered, "But I remember very clearly. Disappear in my place, it doesn't matter whether you do it or not." "It's not the same, these are completely different things." I slowly stretched out my left hand without gloves in front of her, "Do you know how many times I have blamed Qianzhi so far? On the one hand, I praised her for playing the piano well, On the other hand, a corner of my heart keeps cursing her existence. I hate her, and I know I hate her. When I am happy that her piano skills have improved, I secretly envy her talent, and this This jealousy and growing, hopelessly twisted paranoia, no matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of it.

"Having said that, I don't hate doing things for her. In fact, I also want to help her as much as possible, but I still can't stop resenting. Maybe as you said, I am indeed separated by a thin layer of cloth. Just subconsciously blaming her all the time. I can't explain it very well, but I really can't stop the resentment I think and feel, and sometimes I get ugly emotions, ugly feelings that I can't forgive myself. It's true , I don’t have to hide it.” Mariko looked me straight in the eye. "You mean, you're willing to forgive what I've done?" She took my hand, put it on her cheek lightly, and whispered, "Don't forget your agreement with me."

"Is this really the last day? I think it should be. I'm glad that at least the sky has cleared up. However, I still have a small wish. It would be great if I could hear you play the piano again." The hand on my cheek felt warm and moist, but this time I shook my head. "I don't play the piano in front of other people anymore." "why?" "No reason." Mariko took off the hand that was on the cheek, looked at it carefully, and gently stroked my ring finger that was missing the front end with her fingers. "Shouldn't it be impossible to play? If you use your ring finger, you will probably play the wrong note, or at most, you can't play chords or broken chords very well."

"That was fatal." "I don't think it matters. Losing one or two notes will not lose a piece of meat, as long as you play happily. On the first night you just arrived, I wanted to say something to you, but then I forgot , but I thought, I must tell you this. Kisaragi, it's because you subconsciously compare yourself to the self who played flawlessly before, so it's not like you can't play at all. But what you had before, now But lost, how should I put it? There is indeed a feeling of sadness. The feeling of time flies too! "However, it's not a solution to dwell on the past all the time. If you don't stop comparing yourself with the past, you will not be able to present the value you have in front of everyone—" At this point, Mariko suddenly frowned. The face is puzzled.When I was about to ask her what was going on, she shook her head vigorously and sighed deeply, "What do you think people will become after death?" A topic that I had been avoiding was brought up inadvertently, which made me panic and overwhelmed.Seeing the confusion and doubts on my face, Mariko gave me a small smile, then lowered her eyes, quietly hid the smile, and let go of my hand. "I think, from the moment of birth, people will ask whether death exists or not! If one person asks once, then the world's population has asked at least a few trillion, or more? Or even a unit of one billion trillion? Not enough? It's unimaginable. "However, no one can get the answer. No, it should be said that those who know the answer can't speak out. No matter how many times a person goes through reincarnation, this question still exists like a mystery of future eternal life. Think about it, there is no more It also makes people feel unbelievable. Asking what is death, but I don’t know the fate of this question. I have never died, so no one can answer it. It can only be regarded as an unsolvable mystery that will remain in the world forever. search!" Mariko trembled as she spoke. "I can't imagine, it's horrible—" "Mariko." I called out Mariko's name and reached out to comfort her, but she gently pushed my hand away. "I've slept for quite a long time! In the coma, I passed the third ceremony without knowing it. Tonight should be the last night. What should I do? What should I confirm? Difficult Could it be that knowing the ugliness and misery of oneself, after death, still have to embrace those pains in a dark and unknown place? "However, during the time I fell asleep, I felt as if I touched something very warm, and that thing seemed to encourage me all the time, so I decided to wait for me to wake up, and at least I will be in good spirits all day today. But I really can't do it, I feel so painful in my heart—" Mariko bit her lip and said nothing.I can only silently guard her by her side.However, perhaps because of Mariko's desperate efforts to restrain herself, the trembling all over her body gradually eased after a while. "The future said, she wants to talk to you." I still said it. "What? You told her? Will she believe it?" "It's a long story, but it will be faster if you meet her and explain. I'll call her, okay?" "I don't really want to meet her." "why?" "Because I don't know what to say to her. Besides, I may impulsively do something I shouldn't do. I don't want her to see my ugly appearance." I was speechless, and after thinking for a moment, I said, "I don't think you will behave like that again." I hope Mariko can talk to the future.I have a hunch that it should become her pillar in the future. "It would be fine if this is the case, I think I shouldn't—" Mariko stopped talking halfway through. "I'll call her." I said. After a long silence, she finally nodded slightly.I crossed her body and found the bell next to the pillow. After pressing the white plastic button, I felt a rattling sensation from my fingers. Mariko just stared out the window until there was a knock on the door.