Chapter 30 third quarter
When I heard a light knock on the door, I looked at my watch, it was almost six o'clock in the morning.When I was about to get up, I found that Mariko was still holding my right hand, and the warmth from my palm made me inexplicably relieved.I gently pulled out my right hand, stood up quietly, and looked towards the window.Although it was bright outside the frosted glass window, it was not as bright and bright as yesterday morning's sun.There is still the sound of thin rain outside, and it seems that the rain has not stopped.
There was another light knock on the door, and before I had time to answer, the door was opened a crack, and Future wearing a nurse's cap poked his head in.We whispered good morning to each other, and then she pushed the door a little further, slipped in like a loach, and kept asking about Qianzhi's situation.I couldn't react for a while, and then I remembered Mariko's words, and nodded in response.Mirai said to himself, "That's great", and walked to the other side of the hospital bed to look down at Chiori.
At this time, Mariko suddenly opened her eyes, and seeing the face of the future made her open her mouth in fright, but she closed it immediately, trying to swallow the exclamation that was about to blurt out.
"Ah! Good morning. Did sister wake up Chiori? I'm sorry. But you'd better get some more sleep. Your complexion is worse than last night. Do you understand? Go on sleeping, okay?"
Mirai then turned to me and kept apologizing, while Mariko looked directly at her side face with a sad expression. Her face was indeed as pale as Mirai said, paler than yesterday.
"Qianzhi had dinner yesterday! What's going on? Sure enough, there is still something wrong? Ah! By the way, maybe it's because of her menstrual period..." The second half of the future seems to be talking to herself language.
"In the future, did you have a good sleep?"
"About two hours of sleep." Future smiled wryly and shook his head, lowering his eyes, "Ms. Mariko's condition has not been very stable. Dr. Kurano and I went to see her several times separately. After applying CAMPHOR, she became stable, but It’s still hard to say, and in the end she can only rely on her own willpower.” Then she pulled out a forced smile that could be seen through at a glance and said, “I originally asked Ogihara to bring you breakfast around 6:30, did you ask him to deliver it later? Would it be better to come?"
"When you contact him, can I trouble you to convey my thanks for the things he delivered last night? Also, we can just bring our breakfast when he finishes his work." When I said this, Mariko also nodded Agreed, but the future does not seem to see this scene.
"Then I'll come back later."
After Mirai walked out of the ward, Mariko finally sat up from the bed, let out a big breath, put her right index finger against her temple, and twisted her neck.Seeing Chiori's body make these movements, I couldn't help but feel a wry smile.
"It was really dangerous just now, and I almost said good morning to the future." Mariko smiled at me, seeming to relax a lot, "If I don't talk, it's like asking me to go to hell! Oh! These words come from my own mouth It’s embarrassing to come out.”
Hearing what she said, I smiled wryly again.
"Oh! Don't take it seriously!" Mariko puffed up her cheeks, feigned displeasure, stretched her hands forward, and exhaled again, "I seem to have a very strange dream, but I'm not sure if it's a dream, When I think about it, I feel very disturbed.”
"What kind of dream is it?" I also vaguely remembered my own dream.
"That's—" Mariko just said two words and kept silent, then pouted her mouth, shook her head greatly, and looked at the sky with distracted eyes, "I can't say it now, I have to think about it again think."
Seeing her like this, it's inconvenient for me to ask.
"Kisara, I'm sorry, can you hang out for twenty minutes?" Mariko looked up at me.I blurted out why, and she immediately flattened her mouth in disbelief, "Really, I want to change my sanitary products! I also want to wipe my body. Although going to the toilet can also be done, it is more convenient here. Please be more sensitive." okay?"
"Sorry! Sorry! I'll go smoke a cigarette then."
But I'm still wearing pajamas... Anyway, it's not working time yet, so it shouldn't matter!I was worried that the morning here would be as lively as a sanatorium, but I didn't see a single person.It seems that there are very few people who come and go frequently in the hospital!I took my cigarettes and lighter and was about to go out when I suddenly thought of something——
"I'll knock three times on the door when I get back, and if not, just keep quiet, okay?"
Mariko stared at me with wide eyes, and nodded in understanding after a while.
"Thank you for thinking of this, thank you. If you hadn't said it, I would have blurted out and said please come in without hesitation."
I waved my hand to her, turned and walked out of the ward.The windowless corridor is still the same as last night, and time here seems to not flow.
I lit a cigarette, regurgitated the dream I had last night because of Mariko's words, and rethought the questions in the dream.But before that, I must first agree with the premise that Chiori in the ward is Mariko—it has nothing to do with believing it or not, but can only accept it.
So when did this happen?Apart from the helicopter accident at that time, there should be no other possibility for this answer.Moreover, before that, Chiori was just a guest from other places to Mariko.However, it is impossible to judge from Mariko's words alone. In fact, Chiori and Mariko exchanged?Or is Mariko assimilating with Chiori?If this incident was really caused at the moment of the accident, it is very likely that the driver was also involved.In addition, it is also possible that this is not an exchange, but something that happened to Mariko unilaterally.In this way, Chiori was still in her own body, maybe just fell into a deep sleep.But another fact also jumped out—Mariko was dead.
No matter how I hypothesized or imagined, I still couldn't find any reasonable explanation. I could only imagine endlessly based on the one-sided facts I knew.After smoking two cigarettes in this way, about 20 minutes passed, and then I waited another five minutes before returning to the ward.I knocked lightly on the door three times, and a soft "please come in" came from inside.
"No one seems to be here."
"Yes! Fortunately."
Mariko was still sitting on the hospital bed just like before I left.But she should have gone to the bathroom anyway (because there is a mirror there), her hair was combed neatly, and the burnt ribbon was removed, just this made her haggard look more energetic.The sofa next to the hospital bed was also moved back to its original place.
"It's been raining non-stop, so the routine walk must be suspended." Mariko muttered to herself while staring at the frosted glass window, and then sighed softly, "I don't know if Ogihara has put away the sheets..."
I thought to myself, there is no such time!At this moment, Mariko's stomach made a gurgling sound.
She quickly lowered her head with a flushed face, "Qianzhi is still very young, her skin is smooth and tender, completely different from mine, and she is at the age with a strong appetite, so she gets hungry easily."
"Is this what you really think? Or is it just an excuse?" I said with a wry smile.Seeing the way Mariko raised her hand to hit me, she was no different from Chiori.
At this time, there was a knock on the door a little harder than in the future.
"Mr. Kisaragi, I'm coming in."
I just stood up to go to the door, and the door was already opened.Beside the door is Ogihara with a food box in his hand, and behind him is Mr. Fujimoto.I invited them in and took what Ogiwara was holding, while he packed up last night's dinner plates and food boxes.
"Occasionally, patients cannot leave the ward to eat, so I have prepared several food boxes, which are quite convenient."
Open the food box, there are rice, vegetables, and miso soup.Indeed, it is more convenient to use a food box to bring these over.I put the warm rice bowls and dishes on the dining car, and as soon as I lifted the plastic wrap covered with water droplets, the aroma of the food wafted out immediately.Perhaps smelling the fragrance, Mariko's stomach growled again, she blushed again, and lowered her head.
"She has regained her appetite, and she ate nothing from dinner last night." I raised my voice slightly to draw their attention away from her.
"Then don't worry." Mr. Fujimoto nodded.
"It would have been better to make another omurice if I knew it earlier!" Ogihara continued.
"No need, I'll get tired of eating it one after another, and it would be a waste if left over." I panicked and found an excuse to decline.
"We came after we were full, so hurry up and eat! Or should we leave first?" Mr. Fujimoto asked.
"If time permits, please stay!" I shook my head and said.
Mr. Fujimoto and Ogiwara exchanged glances, moved a bench and sat next to me.Mariko also deliberately pretended to be a little clumsy when eating.For me, Chiori is someone else now, but for them who have dined with Chiori only three times so far, they don't feel anything wrong.
"By the way, we met Dr. Kurano on the way here. He said that the pilot of the helicopter has regained consciousness, and he remembers everything about the crash," Mr. Fujimoto said.
"Really? That's great." I prayed for the driver to recover soon, and at the same time thought to myself, one of the assumptions just now has been deleted. It seems that the problem really happened between Chiori and Mariko.
Both of them deliberately avoided talking about the accident of the helicopter, and only talked about the heavy rain this time.Ogiwara also complained that the intermittent heavy rain kept him awake at night.I think they probably didn't get any exciting news from Dr. Kurano about Mariko's situation!I glanced at Mariko behind them, who was turning comfortably.
I suddenly remembered what Mariko was worried about just now, so I took the opportunity to ask Ogiwara about the clothes I had hung in the courtyard yesterday.Sure enough, Ogiwara said that all the sheets were soaked in muddy water, and he planned to wash them again after the sun cleared, and Chiori's sportswear was also mixed in.He offered to pick out Chiori’s clothes for me first, but I said it’s okay to put them away for now, so I declined him.
After we finished our breakfast, Mr. Fujimoto stood up and said that it was almost time to go back, and the hospital agreed to let us use this ward freely until Chiori's condition stabilized.Ogiwara also said that he would bring us lunch again at noon.Then the two left together, and Mariko and I were left in the ward.
"I'm exhausted, half nervous."
"You acted very well, and you look like Chiori."
"I'm relieved to hear Qianzhi's guardian say that. By the way, you asked me about the bed sheets for me! Thank you!"
"You're welcome." After speaking, I said with a wry smile, "It seems that this is better."
"you mean?"
"Hiding that you are Mariko."
"Of course, I also think it's better not to tell others. And I also need some time to think and digest some things. Anyway, this kind of thing is beyond the scope of ordinary people's comprehension. I'm still half-believed. I've been thinking, maybe I'm dreaming! Because I heard that when people are dying, they will be in a half-dream hallucination, isn't it? Although I'm sorry Chiori, I still messed up all over my body Pinch, the result will really hurt! However, even this pain, I think it is an illusion.
"So, just because you are willing to believe me is enough for me. You believe it because you know Chiori very well! If Mirai said to you: 'I am Mariko', would you still believe it? You will definitely think that the future is playing a joke on you. However, even if you know that I am Mariko, things may not necessarily develop in a good direction. Right now, I don’t understand my physical condition at all—not referring to my current body—of course— I can’t even believe that I was seriously injured, and I have no real ties at all. However, there is only one feeling that exists extremely urgently and strongly, and that is—the uneasiness that clearly knows that I am on the verge of life and death.” Mariko sighed again after finishing speaking tone.
"I understand how you feel." After finishing speaking, I couldn't think of what to say anymore.The sound of rain, the slight flickering of fluorescent lamps, and the sound of breathing were the only sounds left in the silent ward.
"Don't worry, I will try my best to play Chiori. During this period, when no one else is present, I will trouble you to be my chat partner, just as an audience."
"No problem, if this makes your life easier." Suddenly, I remembered something I had to confirm with her, and after a long hesitation I finally decided to ask, "Can I ask you something?"
"What's the matter?" Mariko looked up, trying to make a smile.
"I can accept that you are in Qianzhi's body, or I can probably understand it. But in this way, a question arises."
"Hmm." Mariko seemed to have guessed what I wanted to ask.
"You are in Qianzhi's body, where is Qianzhi?"
Mariko lowered her head and was silent for a while, then slowly shook her head and said, "I don't know."
"I know you probably don't have the answer, but you didn't feel anything in Chiori's body?"
"Probably a little bit, but I'm not sure. I'm also very concerned about this matter—ever since I woke up and found myself in Chiori's body."
"I'll be back soon" - the words from last night's dream came to mind.I wanted to tell Mariko about this, but I was really hesitant this time.In fact, as long as you think about it a little bit, you can know that this means that Chiori will come back in the end.Although I can't guarantee that my speculation is absolutely correct, I really don't want to touch this issue.Mariko is still hanging down the limit, does she know the ups and downs in my heart?
After a while, she suddenly asked to be alone.
"How long will it take?"
"Ah! That's right, it would be weird if you left Chiori alone for too long. I think an hour is enough. If someone wakes up, just say I'm sleeping."
"The reason? Can you tell me?"
"Huh? I just want to be alone and think about it."
I stared into her eyes, her eyes did not look like she was planning to commit suicide or do something stupid, so I agreed to her with confidence, then took a T-shirt from the luggage bag and changed it, and changed the pajama pants into yesterday's trousers, Although a little crepe, I didn't bring any other pants to change.Mariko kept staring out the window while I changed into my pajamas.After changing, I told Mariko to pay attention to the number of knocks on the door and went out.
It felt like I had woken up for a long time, but I looked at my watch and realized that it was only past eight o'clock.I didn't know what to do, and finally decided to go to the lobby to smoke.For a moment just now, I thought that Mariko wanted to commit suicide, but now that I think about it, if she really committed suicide, would she be the one who died?If Mariko committed suicide by cutting her wrist, Chiori's body must be injured, and Chiori's heart must stop beating.Mariko is in Chiori's body, so who will disappear at the moment her heart stops beating?Where will the remaining one go?Or, two people lost their lives at the same time?
I also understand that this is a question that will never have an answer, but I can't stop myself from thinking about it.
The same principle can be applied to Mariko's body.Of course, I'm not sure that Chiori must be in Mariko's body, but as long as Mariko's physical condition does not improve, this moment will definitely come. What will happen then?
I looked up at the ceiling blankly, the cigarette in my right hand was hissing softly.
"I thought who it was, it turned out to be you."
Suddenly someone spoke to me, I looked at the source of the voice, and Dr. Kurano just walked into the smoking area.His white robe was open, and the cigarette in his hand was lit long before he entered the smoking area.
"The nurse on the morning shift said that smoking is not allowed in the consulting room and took my ashtray away."
Dr. Kurano sat down beside me and stretched his legs.There were many questions in my mind that I wanted to ask him, but when I saw his exhausted appearance, I hesitated to ask, and just said: "So you also smoke."
"Actually, you shouldn't smoke, but I've never heard of alcohol or nicotine making doctors unable to operate." The doctor said blankly, but he didn't look like a smoker at all. Take time to see the little girl, she should be fine, right?"
"never mind."
"I'll find a time in the afternoon to check it out. I'm not sure what time it is. According to the future, she can already eat?"
"Well, I have a good appetite and a large appetite."
"Have you spoken?"
"No." I hesitated for a moment, and finally shook my head and said.
"Really? It's probably a mental problem, and now we have to observe it for a while, but—how should I say it? You are really in a lot of trouble. If you didn't come here, you wouldn't have encountered such a terrible thing." It's over."
"I never thought about it that way."
"No, if it was Mariko, she would probably keep apologizing desperately! But her current situation is also very difficult. In view of this, please forgive her." After speaking, Dr. Kurano closed his eyes.
He probably didn't sleep much like Mirai, right?His complexion was not very good at first, and now it seems to be even worse.
"What will happen to her?" I finally asked.
The doctor opened his eyes and let out a "huh", but didn't answer me right away.
"After one night, her electrocardiogram finally stabilized, but it just became more regular, and in fact it was still the same weak." He shook his head vigorously, twisted out the cigarette, and then lit another one, "That girl ——How did other doctors make the diagnosis? I remember that your surnames seem to be different, but I don't know the details, so if you don't mind, can you tell me?"
I don't know whether he is really interested in Chiori's situation or just wants to change the subject, but I still told him everything from beginning to end, including the initial accident, my relationship with Chiori, and Dr. Shiraishi's words .Dr. Kurano would occasionally say that Mariko had said this part, and asked me to skip it and continue, but most of the time he listened to me silently.
"Did he say that the brain cells are sleeping? There is indeed no clearer explanation than this." Dr. Kurano crossed his legs and said out of smoke. Trapped in a fog. For example, Broca's area and Wernicke's area in the left brain have been identified as being involved in the ability to understand language, but even if this part is damaged, it does not necessarily cause language impairment - there have been cases , there is no difference in language ability before and after this part is damaged. The reason may be that the language activity responsible for this area is distributed to other parts after the damage, or reaches the information transmission network by detour, because the brain sometimes does automatic execution. Self-healing works.
"But it doesn't happen 100 percent of the time, and there aren't any statistics on how long it takes for the brain to start repairing itself after an injury. So we're kind of groping in the dark about what we know about the brain."
"Do you specialize in the brain?"
"No. I used to be a surgeon, but my hands were very dexterous before. My mentor in college was a person who participated in the construction of this hospital. I was recruited here because of my surgical skills, so I completed it in the hospital. In the first few years, I transferred to brain surgery to prepare.”
Perhaps the phrase "It would be great if I didn't come here" kept flashing in his mind.
"Your wife's situation...you must have worked hard!"
"So you know."
"Well, I heard something from Mariko... ah! I'm sorry to say this suddenly, I'm really sorry."
"It's good that you know. Forget it, it's okay." Dr. Kurano said with a wry smile, "My wife and Zhi have been lying in the hospital bed for two years, no matter how you say it, it's more troublesome than your little girl."
"I heard she's a vegetable."
"Well, that's right. You have talked about yourself, and it seems unfair if I don't say it. How about it! Tell me first, is there such a person around you?"
I replied no, and I didn't understand it, and I mentioned the cause of my father's death in passing.
Dr. Kurano said something regretful, and then began to explain:
"80% to 90% of the neocortex of the insider's brain has ceased activity, that is to say, so many brain cells have died. You should also know that brain cells do not regenerate, even when they are old, they will not regenerate. Metabolism, they will live together with humans for a lifetime after rapid development in early childhood. The so-called increase in memory or improvement in thinking ability is not due to further growth of the brain, it should be said that the brain network has become more developed. You listen Nerve cells? Synapses and neurons are part of nerve cells. Each neuron uses synapses to connect to each other and form a network for transmitting information in the brain. This network is not only changing all the time, but also becoming more and more complex. But Once brain cells die, they cannot transmit information, and there are no other cells to replace them, and dead brain cells cannot be excreted from the body. They can only stay in the brain in a dead state. This is their fate. Moreover, no matter whether the brain or the extension Brains are all the same.
"Of course, once all the brain cells of a person die, it means that the person will die too. On the other hand, in vegetative people, although the brain cells of the brain are dead, the brain cells of the cerebellum and brainstem are still alive and kicking, so they can not only breathe, but also carry out Food digestion and excretion behaviors, and these behaviors are controlled by the sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves of the medulla and hypothalamus located in the inner part of the brain. But these are not behaviors of subjective consciousness. Simply put, vegetative people will not And when you open your eyes, you don't open your mouth to chew to eat, and you don't go to the toilet because you want to defecate.
"This is the case with the insider. As long as the nutrients that maintain the vital functions are continuously given, the body will not stop moving. Of course, aging or other unexplained weakness is another matter."
Having said that, Dr. Kurano took out another cigarette, but he was still thinking about something.I had nothing to say but waited for him to speak again.
"So she can't talk. I talk to her every day, but she can't answer me, so I don't know if she understands me at all. To be honest, I sometimes doubt that she has a so-called self-awareness now. Is it? But even if not, she is still knuckles. It is unbelievable that when I was taking care of her, I would occasionally shake her hand, and at this time I could feel the weak force of her shaking me back. Sometimes I would be too busy Please ask Mariko or Mirai to help me take care of her. I asked them if they have encountered such a situation, and they said no. In other words, Kazue still knows who I am, in order to tell me this, so there is such a situation Behave! Of course, I can't tell if that's the case.
"The presence or absence of self-awareness should have a very deep relationship with the neocortex of the brain, or it can be said to be dominated by this part. In other words, in her remaining brain, there is indeed a person named Kurano Kazue. Maybe she Cursing my lingering life, perhaps twisting my hands and feet desperately to convey my existence. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do except talk to her, force-feed her with liquid food, inject nutrition needles and cleanse the body. I can do This is the only thing I can do, and I repeat the same thing every day, I am afraid I can only stop this behavior until one of the two dies first." After speaking, Dr. Kurano stood up, "I should go back to the consulting room, and I will meet you in the afternoon. Go to your place and have a Zhao."
"Doctor Kurano." I unconsciously called out to him who had already stepped out, "Can I ask you something?"
"Is it about Mariko?"
"No, it's what you just said. By 'self' you mean, simply, 'heart'?"
Dr. Kurano frowned, shrugged, and said, "Unfortunately, this term does not apply to physiology. You can interpret it however you want—is it Natsume Soseki's novel? I read it when I was a student, but now I have completely forgotten it. "After speaking, he waved his hand and turned to leave.
I watched his back disappear, and glanced at my watch. I actually chatted with the doctor for almost an hour, which was long past the appointment time with Mariko.I was afraid that Mariko would be worried, so I hurried back to the ward, knocked on the door but there was no response.At this moment, I suddenly felt scared, did my worst premonition come true?I quickly opened the door and went in, Mariko seemed to be asleep.I tiptoed to the bed, made sure she was still breathing, and found faint traces of tears on her cheeks.
I breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the sofa.I don't know what I can do for Mariko and Chiori, and a feeling of melancholy is tormenting me.I buried myself deep in the sofa, and it seemed that Mariko had really fallen asleep.Having nothing to do, I took out a book from my luggage bag and flipped through it, only to realize that I had no intention of reading at all.The rain outside the window was a little heavier, and the rain water hit the frosted glass and flowed down.I remember that Ogiwara and the others said that since yesterday, the rain has not stopped. Although it has weakened a little, it still hasn't stopped.I only had this thing in my mind, listening to the sound of rain outside the window stupidly.
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