Chapter 15 Chapter 1: I don’t want to get married

Chapter 1: I don’t want to get married All homosexuals are reluctant when it comes to marriage.Most of our respondents were not yet married.Although most of them intend to get married when they are old, they all hope that the later the better. The reasons why homosexuals do not want to get married can be summed up in several ways: First, in the minds of homosexuals, marriage is a matter of "depreciation".A homosexual A said to his new same-sex partner B: I don’t like married people, I think they are inhumane, and B has been hiding the truth from him.But later, because of his feelings for A, B confessed his feelings to him.When A heard this, he was furious and said: I will never see you again.After B returned home, he was distraught, and in a letter to A, he expressed his feelings for A and his ambivalence towards his marriage incoherently.The letter wrote: "... Please believe me, I will always love you alone, until death... I am already a married person... I feel always sorry for you... My marriage is painful, I don’t know how to save it... Please understand me, my heart is almost broken now... I am married, and I feel very troubled and depressed when I mention these words, I’m sorry..."

In another example, a gay couple vowed not to get married until they were thirty: "I met a worker who was one year younger than me and had a crush on him, and he liked me too. We fell in love madly. This love He kept it until he got married. I allowed him to get married. Originally we had an agreement not to get married under the age of 30, but once he got into trouble with me, I agreed to him getting married.” Another homosexual said: “I have A friend, his girlfriend is pretty, but he doesn’t want to get married, and he doesn’t get married until he’s 29.” Secondly, ……… Marriage is also an obstacle to the emotional maintenance of homosexuals……….Senior homosexuals walking around in the society said: "People in the circle think that they are unmarried, and they value unmarried people. They think that married people will not be able to achieve energy." Because once homosexuals really love each other, they are also very sincere and dedicated emotionally. Therefore, marriage will become an obstacle to the relationship between the two.One survey respondent said to us: "I met a man in his thirties who said he was not married. I might be lying to me. I dare not treat him with sincerity. If he gets married, that is The devastation of my feelings."Another gay man talked about his love history: "As soon as I heard that he was married, I hated him. He made a wish to get rid of his wife, so I accommodated him. His wife came back on weekends and left on Mondays. I can tell from his body that he has never had sex with his wife. But he told me that he had sex with his wife five times after marriage, I don’t believe it.”

During the investigation, we met a foreign expert by chance. He was a homosexual. He was puzzled by the fact that his Chinese lover wanted to get married, and he felt that he had been treated unfairly.It was probably difficult for him to understand how much pressure a Chinese man faces to get married, and he mistakenly thought that these people were not professional. Third, marriage will limit the freedom of activities of homosexuals to a certain extent.When asked why a 26-year-old homosexual was not married, he said, "I want to play for another year. After I get married, I can't come out casually." Of course, many married homosexuals still seek out homosexuals in society. Partners, it is impossible for them to take their restrictions seriously after marriage.Only those homosexuals who have not yet reached the age at which non-marriage will be noticed, and the very small number of homosexuals who have really decided not to marry for life, can have this kind of view.Some of them even hold rather strict marriage ethics.For example, a homosexual who decided to be celibate said with emotion: "The most painful thing is the wife of a homosexual. I met a homosexual in the ×× hotel. His wife messed with others (relationships between men and women), and was caught and fired by the unit. Public office. This homosexual actually divorced his wife. But the woman is actually a victim, her husband can’t satisfy her. I think he’s doing this immorally, and he shouldn’t come out after he’s married.”

The fourth reason why homosexuals don't want to get married is that things in the process of heterosexual love and marriage are completely uninteresting to them.In fact, this is the most fundamental of all the reasons.A homosexual said that he has no aversion to women, but when he hears about marriage, he finds it disgusting, and he thinks of family chores, children, housework, father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law.While unmarried only have parents and brothers, the burden is light and the time is abundant.Another said having a girlfriend was tiring.Calling, going out to play soon, and going to her home to meet her parents, "Although I can get along with the girls in the workshop and have a lot of common language, but it's not as easy as communicating with the boys." He also said: "When I think about My girlfriend feels a headache."

Obviously, there are many reasons for homosexuals' reluctance to marry. In the final analysis, it is still a lack of enthusiasm for women.Even so, many homosexuals have had contact with the opposite sex, and they explain their sexual orientation through the comparison of their feelings towards men and women, which makes people feel that this seems to be a helpless thing. According to Kinsey's survey, more than 20% of heterosexuals have had some degree of homosexual experience; similarly, 66% of homosexuals have had heterosexual experience.Kechardoli also pointed out in the book "Basics of Human Sexual Behavior" that: 24% of gay men have had heterosexual imaginations; 34% have had heterosexual sexual dreams. (Cachadoli, p. 331) According to our questionnaire, although most of the survey respondents said, "the opposite sex does not arouse your interest at present", but for the question "whether the opposite sex aroused your interest when you were young", The number of people who answered "can cause" also exceeded the number of people who answered "cannot".

Many respondents expressed a lack of enthusiasm for women rather than hatred or misogyny.For example, a homosexual said: "In terms of sex, I just don't have a sense of desire for girls, but I only have a sense of desire for boys." Another said: "The opposite sex is not sexy. Kissing a man can get an erection, such as ××, I don’t like him, and I can get an erection when kissing, but there is no physical reaction when kissing my girlfriend...” A middle-aged homosexual talked about his embarrassing experience with women: “That time I met I met a girl who took the initiative to pursue me and was very sexually active. She told me that she had a boyfriend before who was better than me in sex. The man was a worker and she wanted to find a college student. When she said this, I found it boring. When I did that, she didn't move. I asked her to cooperate, but she didn't understand, and she had never heard of it. Men cooperate with each other. Later, she felt that I couldn't satisfy her, so she broke up. "

Another interviewee talked about his history of heterosexual love: "In 1981, I met a girlfriend who was Mexican. After three months, my sex life was coordinated. Before that, I also met a Chinese girlfriend. I I didn’t feel that I loved them, but the sex life was coordinated. I met another girl in 1983. After more than a year, I still felt affection for her, but I wasn’t jealous at all... Now she has another man I have made friends, and I don’t feel hurt.” It is generally believed that jealousy is a sign of love. If you are not jealous that your girlfriend is better than other men, it is obvious that there is no love.

A gay man said: "I had my first girlfriend when I was 20 years old, and she was one year younger than me. Our relationship developed to kissing, and there was no other contact. After breaking up, we are still ordinary friends, and there is no quarrel. Now I talked about one, and I said that she has a similar temperament to the first one. If I didn’t have sexual relations with this one, maybe the relationship would be better. I…………… hope not to be too sexually active.” Many survey respondents said that they are not opposed to the opposite sex, but just do not want to contact them. One of them also cited the reasons for his behavior: "In terms of sex, it is too difficult for the opposite sex to be sexually satisfied, so I don't like it; for simplicity, it is better to find Same-sex, same-sex people understand each other more.” Another said: “Some people hate women, I don’t hate women, but I’m not interested in them.” Some people made such a generalization: “What kind of people are homosexuals? There are all of them. Some of them are less and less interested in the opposite sex because of their advanced Taoism; some people have never been interested in the opposite sex at all.” A homosexual said: “That year I met a female labor manager in a factory. I like her and have sex, but not long after, I lost my sexual desire for her. I hoped to keep it going and change myself, but then I couldn’t go on, so I had to forget it.”

A survey respondent had several girlfriends. He said: "Someone introduced me to a woman who graduated from college. I am not interested in him. She is very proactive and creates opportunities. I have to catch the last train at 11 o'clock. She She pretended to have something to prevent me from leaving, but she had to stay overnight. She is more experienced in this area, but I have never been interested in him. I had a conflict with the leader at the time, and I felt very boring when she said about me. I can only deal with errands, hug and kiss, many from the heart. She took the initiative, I was reluctant. In the end we broke up." A middle-aged homosexual said: "A 36, 7-year-old who lives in an apartment with me The woman who came to my house at night. She is not educated enough, vulgar, has a strong sexual desire, and does not know how to respect people. I have had two or three relationships with her, and I don’t like her. She can’t take the initiative towards women. Acting like a baby aroused my resentment. These few times, I felt that it was a burden with the mentality of fulfilling my duty. The other party was not satisfied. I didn’t want to go to her later, she knew that I was deliberately indifferent to her, so let it go.”

A gay man has described in detail how he feels when he has sex with a woman, whose overall assessment of her is that she is only fertile.From the perspective of venting, it is dissatisfaction with the opposite sex.He said: "Kissing is uncomfortable and non-irritating. I have to stimulate her. I lose a lot and gain less. I have an aversion to the other party touching my genitals. Once I touch them, I lose any interest. If you are of the same sex, the more you touch your genitals, the more you will feel. If you are interested, the kissing feels better, which is the opposite of women. I don’t want to touch the woman’s body, and I feel disgusted when I touch it. I feel boring when I see a woman naked for the first time. I find that the other party is not interested in seeing my naked body. Men see it I am very interested when I see my naked body. Some people let themselves undress for five minutes before doing anything else. But when my girlfriend sees my naked body, she has no longing eyes and is very cold. So I feel very disappointed. To men The longing look in my eyes feels very good, but women don't have this kind of eyes. I don't like to touch women, it feels greasy, the skin is not elastic, the touch is not good, and the curve is not good. Although I can also get an erection and ejaculation, there is no sense of venting and ejaculation The feeling before is different from that of the same sex, and it’s over when it’s over, and it’s not interesting.” The survey respondent may be a person who feels too detailed and has too much sex appeal, but his feelings are obviously representative of gay men sexual.

Some homosexuals avoid the opposite sex because they lack the courage to be a man and deal with the opposite sex.A high school student who has been engaged in homosexuality (shit! Use this word! I can’t be more angry!) since the first day of junior high school said: “I don’t have the courage to talk to girlfriends. I’m too tired to pretend to be a man in front of them. , other people know you. Besides, it costs money to have a girlfriend, and I am not going to take the initiative to talk about a girlfriend. I regard my girlfriend as sacred." Another gay said: "Being with a girlfriend is sexually difficult. There is pressure, and the other party has complained. Although the other party’s direct pressure on me is not great, I feel that the pressure is great. Thinking that sex life after marriage is a main content, I feel unimaginable.” But there are also people who are just the opposite.It is precisely because they do not care about the success or failure of love like heterosexual men do, and even secretly hope that the relationship will not be successful. Instead, they appear more comfortable and confident in dealing with the relationship with the opposite sex.One survey respondent said: "I'm not shy when I have a girlfriend. The more I like women, the more I can't let go. But after I have a girlfriend, I don't feel good. I think men are smart, thoughtful, and capable, while girls are narrow-minded and It’s cumbersome, I’m too old to be coaxed, and I feel too tired.” One survey respondent said to us proudly: “If you don’t believe me, look at us, we are looking for someone who is not beautiful, and there is no one with low education.” A gay man talked about how his girlfriend fell in love with him: "I recently made a girlfriend. She is a college student and a cadre from a family. We met by chance. I had no interest in women at the time. That time with my boyfriend I met her when I went out to play. She is the daughter of an old gay friend of mine. I glanced at her once in a while, and she said that she fell in love with me because of my lewd eyes. After two months of dating, she She proposed to marry me, and she blew it with her original boyfriend. She said that man was like a coffin board and didn’t understand feelings. I never hugged her, she is very beautiful, and she is an only child.” We believe that the matter is of such a nature that since the practice of homosexuality is also an emotional and sexual experience, some senior homosexuals are already very experienced in this field despite their young age.Compared with the fledgling teenagers, they understand the emotions and sexual desires between people better, and are better at attracting sexual objects.It's a pity that the girls they date only see their emotional and sexual maturity and are attracted to them, never realizing that these feelings are not with the opposite sex but with the same sex. Some homosexuals are also interested in girls, but it is mostly brother and sister love, less couple love.A gay man who is in love with a girl said: "I think we should treat a girl like a big brother, caring for her and helping her." He claimed that his love for girls is more than half, and his love for boys is less ( He is actually bisexual), said: "It has something to do with mood. When I am in trouble and distress, I am willing to talk to people of the same sex. When I have trouble, going to a girlfriend is like adding fuel to the fire." Some gay guys have no real interest in girls when they're in a relationship, just a sense of showing off what they have.A homosexual said: "My liking for her (girlfriend) is a kind of pride, because she is more beautiful, richer, and of higher status than other girlfriends. Her mother is in the flag, and she prepares antiques and jades and returns them to I bought jewelry, but I didn’t take it, it’s tantamount to admitting, I’m afraid that one day we will break up.” All in all, whether it is innate feelings or acquired influence, it is hard to tell whether it is the cause or the effect. Homosexuals are either indifferent to the opposite sex, or keep a respectful distance.Although most people don't hate the opposite sex, but in their own words, "you can only look at women from a distance, not up close", and "you can make friends but not deep friends". There are indeed some homosexuals who do not see the opposite sex at all. For example, a survey respondent said such a thing: "I know a gay guy who said he felt disgusted after watching heterosexual pornography (×-rated movies). But I don't , I just watched heterosexual porn, I felt so excited, I went out and had a gay time. That was my first homosexual experience." A gay person wrote in the questionnaire: "I hate women, because China There are very few women who are cute, from body to soul.” The survey respondent had two relationships and “felt bad” and believed that this kind of heterosexual love experience had a “great influence” on his later sexual orientation.According to the questionnaire data, many homosexuals have had heterosexual love experience; the most has been in love 9 times. Most people feel bad about heterosexual love and cannot successfully reach a marriage contract.