Chapter 42 40. Catch-22

Of course, there's a catch here. "Catch-22?" Yossarian asked. "Of course." Lieutenant Colonel Korn waved his hand lightly, nodded with a slightly contemptuous expression, and drove out the group of big-waisted military police escorting Yossarian, and then he happily answered Yossarian's question Asking questions - as usual, when he's at his lightest, he's at his meanest. "After all, we can't send you home because you refuse to fly more missions and leave the rest of us here, can we? That's hardly fair to them." "You're so right!" said Colonel Cathcart suddenly.He froze back and forth like a panting bull, slamming his face angrily and gasping for breath. "I really want to tie him hand and foot and throw him in the plane every mission. That's what I want to do."

Lieutenant Colonel Korn motioned Colonel Cathcart for silence, then smiled at Yossarian again. "You know, Colonel Cathcart is really having a hard time getting things like this," he said casually, as if the incident didn't offend him at all. "The officers and soldiers are very unhappy, and morale is getting lower and lower. It's all your fault." "It's your fault," Yossarian argued, "for increasing the number of missions." "No, it's your fault for refusing to fly," Lt. Col. Korn retorted. "Before, when they felt they had no choice, no matter how many missions we asked them to, they would fly them willingly." Execute it. But now that you have given them the hope of choice, they are not happy. So, it's all your fault."

"Don't he know there's a war going on right now?" Colonel Cathcart asked angrily.He was still stomping back and forth without looking at Yossarian. "I'm sure he knew," Lt. Col. Korn replied. "Maybe that's why he refused to fly the mission." "Did that do anything to him?" "Will knowing that there is a war going on now sway your decision to refuse to go to war?" Lieutenant Colonel Korn asked sternly and sarcastically, mockingly imitating Colonel Cathcart's tone. "No, sir," Yossarian replied.He almost laughed at Colonel Korn.

"I worry about that, too," Colonel Korn said carefully.He leisurely raised his hands to his smooth, shiny brown bald head, interlocking his ten fingers together. "Of course you understand, to be fair, we treated you well, didn't we? We fed you and paid you on time. We awarded you a medal and even promoted you to captain." "I shouldn't have promoted him to be a captain at all," Colonel Cathcart cried bitterly. "On that mission to Ferrara, he flew twice and made a mess of things. I should have Send him to a military court." "I told you not to promote him," Colonel Korn said, "but you wouldn't listen to me."

"No, you didn't. You told me to promote him, didn't you?" "I told you not to promote him, but you just wouldn't listen." "I should have listened to you." "You never listened to me," Colonel Korn insisted meaningfully. "That's what got us here." "Oh, that's all right, don't grind your teeth, okay?" Colonel Cathcart put two fists deep into his pockets, and turned around lazily. "Stop picking on me, why don't you think about what we should do with him?" "I'm afraid we'll just have to send him home," Colonel Korn snickered triumphantly, turning from Colonel Cathcart to Yossarian. "Yossarian, the war is over for you. We're going to send you home. Of course you know you don't deserve to be sent home, but that's one of the reasons I'm happy to send you home. Since there is no There's nothing else good we can do, but we've decided to send you back to the United States. We've figured out the deal—"

"What kind of deal?" Yossarian asked defiantly, suspiciously. Colonel Korn looked back and laughed. "Oh, a downright dastardly deal, there's no question about that. Absolutely disgusting. You'll settle for it soon, though." "Don't be so sure." "I don't have the slightest doubt that you'll accept the deal even if it stinks. Oh, by the way, you haven't told anyone you're refusing to fly more missions, have you?" "No, sir," Yossarian replied without hesitation. Colonel Korn nodded approvingly. "That's fine, I like the way you lie.

If you have a little bit of ambition, you're bound to make it big in this world. " "Don't he know there's a war going on?" Colonel Cathcart exclaimed suddenly, and then blew doubtfully into the mouth of his cigarette. "I'm sure he knows," Lieutenant Colonel Korn replied sharply, "because you asked him that question just now." Lieutenant Colonel Korn helped Yossarian with an impatient frown, his There was a sly and reckless mockery in the dark eyes.He grasped the edge of Colonel Cathcart's table with both hands, lifted his limp buttocks and sat down from the corner of the table, leaving only two short calves hanging free to swing.He tapped the yellow oak table lightly with the heel of his shoe.On his feet were brown stockings which, because there were no garters, fell in circles down to the feet of his unusually pale and small ankles. "You know, Yossarian," he mused amiably for a moment, with an air of indifference that seemed both mocking and sincere, "I do admire you a little. You're a morally intelligent man, You have taken a stand of great courage. I am an amoral man, and I am therefore in an ideal position to judge your moral character."

"This is the moment of truth," interjected Colonel Cathcart, standing in a corner of the office, angrily.He didn't even look at Colonel Korn. "It is indeed a critical moment." Lieutenant Colonel Korn nodded calmly in agreement. "We've just had a change of command. We can't stand a situation where we're going to embarrass ourselves before General Scheisskopf or General Peckem. Is that what you mean, Colonel?" "Has he no patriotism?" "Aren't you willing to fight for your country?" Lieutenant Colonel Korn asked, imitating Colonel Cathcart's self-righteous harsh tone, "Aren't you willing to give your life for Colonel Cathcart and me? "

Surprised by Colonel Korn's last words, Yossarian tensed up. "What does that mean?" he cried. "What have you and Colonel Cathcart to do with my country? You are another thing altogether." "How can you separate us from our motherland?" Lieutenant Colonel Korn asked sarcastically with a peaceful expression. "That's right," Colonel Cathcart cried vigorously, "you can either fight for us or fight against your country. You can only choose one of these two paths." "I'm afraid he's stumping you now," Lieutenant Colonel Korn added. "You either fight for us or against your country, it's as simple as that."

"Oh, come on, Lieutenant Colonel, I'm not into that." Colonel Korn remained composed. "Frankly, I don't believe it either, but everybody else does. You see, it's as simple as that." "You're a disgrace to that uniform!" Colonel Cathcart exclaimed angrily.He turned sharply to face Yossarian for the first time. "I'd like to know how on earth you got to be a captain." "You promoted him," Lieutenant Colonel Korn reminded kindly, suppressing a smile. "Oh, I really shouldn't have promoted him." "I told you not to," Colonel Korn said, "but you just wouldn't listen to me."

"Come on, don't you stop grinding your teeth with me, will you?" cried Colonel Cathcart.He frowned, squinted suspiciously at Colonel Korn, and rested his clenched fists on his lower back. "Tell me, which side are you on?" "On your side, Colonel. Which side should I be on?" "Then stop picking on me all the time, okay? Stop making fun of me, okay?" "I'm on your side, Colonel. I'm patriotic." "Then, you must promise not to forget this." Colonel Cathcart was still not completely relieved.He paused for a moment before turning around hesitantly, rubbing the long cigarette holder with both hands, and started pacing again.He pointed at Yossarian sharply with a thumb and said, "Let's finish with him. I know what I'm going to do with him. I want to take him outside and shoot him. That's what I'm going to do with him." General Dreedle would have done the same with him." "But General Dreedle is no longer commanding us," said Colonel Korn, "so we can't take him outside and shoot him." By this time the tense moment between Colonel Korn and Colonel Cathcart had passed, He became lighthearted again, and began to kick Colonel Cathcart's desk lightly with his foot again. "So, instead of shooting you, we're going to send you home. It took us a lot of brains, but we finally came up with this little, awful plan. So your return home will be won't cause too much resentment among those friends you've left behind. Doesn't it please you?" "What kind of plan is this? I'm not sure I'd like it." "I know, you won't like it." Lieutenant Colonel Korn laughed, and again contentedly raised his hands above his head, fingers interlocking. "You're going to hate this plan. It's really disgusting, and it's sure to disturb your conscience. But you're going to agree to it soon. You're going to, not only because it's going to kill you in a fortnight. Safely sent home, and because you have no choice. You either accept the plan or you are court-martialled. You can take it or you can’t.” Yossarian snorted. "Don't frighten me, Lieutenant Colonel. You won't be court-martialling me for running away from the enemy. It would make you look bad, and you probably wouldn't be able to prove me guilty." "But we can charge you with desertion, and court-martial you on that charge, because you went to Rome without a pass. We can make it a crime. You'll see if you think about it a little, you There's no other way for us to go. We can't just stand by and watch you disobey orders and run around without punishing you. Everyone else would refuse to fly the mission too. It won't work, you can take my word for it.If you reject our offer, we'll court-martial you, and even if it raises a lot of questions and embarrasses Colonel Cathcart in public, we don't care. " Colonel Cathcart shuddered at the word "disgraceful."Then, without seeming to think about it, he slammed his slender mahu and ivory-trimmed cigarette holder violently against the wooden top of his desk. "Jesus Christ!" he cried unexpectedly. "I hate this damn cigarette holder!" The cigarette holder bounced twice on the table, bounced against the wall, then flew over the window sill, fell to the ground, and finally rolled to Colonel Cathcart's feet and stopped.Colonel Cathcart glared down at the cigarette holder viciously and said: "I don't know if it's really good for me." "This is your glory in the eyes of General Peckem, but it is your scandal in the eyes of General Scheisskopf," Lieutenant Colonel Korn told him with an innocent and mischievous look. "Then, who should I please?" "Should please both of them at the same time." "How can I please both of them at the same time? They hate each other. How can I gain glory from General Scheisskopf without disgrace to General Peckem?" "practice." "Yeah, drill. That's the only way to please him. Drill, drill." Colonel Cathcart grimaced sullenly. "Those generals! They're ashamed of that uniform. If a guy like these two guys can make a general, I don't see why I shouldn't. " "You're going to make it," Colonel Korn reassured him in a tone of uncertainty, before turning to Yossarian and giggling.Yossarian laughed even more contemptuously as Yossarian's expression of hostile, suspicious obstinacy appeared. "Now you know the point. Colonel Cathcart wants to be a general, I want to be a colonel, and that's why we have to send you home." "Why does he want to be a general?" "Why? It's the same reason I want to be a colonel. What else can we do? Everyone teaches us to aim higher. A general is higher than a colonel, and a colonel is higher than a lieutenant colonel. So, we're both climbing. You know, Yossarian, it's a lucky thing for you that we're on this quest. Your timing couldn't be better, but I think that when you planned Take that factor into account.” "I'm not planning anything," Yossarian retorted. "Yes, I do appreciate the way you lie," said Lieutenant Colonel Korn, "when your commander is promoted to general—when you know you're in a unit that averages more combat missions per person than anyone else. Longer Troops—Aren't You Proud of It? Wouldn't You Like More Commendations and More Oakleaf Bronze Medals? Where's Your Collectivism? Aren't You Would you like to fly more missions to contribute to this great record? Say 'yes', this is your last chance." "No." "If that's the case, you've got us cornered—" Colonel Korn said politely. "He should be ashamed of himself!" "—we have to send you home. It's just that you have to do a few small things for us, and—" "Do what?" Yossarian interrupted with suspicion and hostility. "Oh, a little thing, an insignificant thing. Really, we've made a very generous deal with you. We'll issue orders to send you home - really, we will - and in return, you All that has to be done is..." "What is it, what do I have to do?" Colonel Korn smiled hypocritically. "Like us." Yossarian blinked in surprise. "Like you?" "Like us." "Like you?" "That's right," Colonel Korn nodded.Yossarian's air of undisguised surprise and bewilderment flattered him. "Like us, join us, and be our partners. Whether you are here or after returning to China, you must do a good job for us and become one of us. Well, this request is not too much, right? ?” "You just want me to like you, that's all?" "that's it." "that's it." "As long as you like us from the bottom of your heart." When Yossarian realized at last that Colonel Korn was telling the truth, he was so amazed that he wanted to laugh out loud with confidence. "It's not going to be easy," he sneers. "Oh, that's easier than you think," Lieutenant Colonel Korn retorted.Yohanlian's sarcastic remark did not discourage him. "You'll be surprised how easy it is to like us once you start." Colonel Korn tugged up his baggy trousers.He gave an obnoxiously mocking smile, and the deep black line between his square jaw and cheekbones curved again. "Look, Yossarian, we're going to make you comfortable, we're going to make you a major, we're even going to give you another medal. Captain Flume is working on some glowing letters to send you The heroism over the Ferrara Bridge, your deep and abiding loyalty to your unit, and your noble devotion to duty are greatly described. These are the exact words of the communication, by the way. We intend to honor You, send you home as a hero. Let's just say the Pentagon brought you home for morale and public relations. You're going to live like a millionaire, and you're going to be everyone's favorite. People You will be greeted in a procession, and you will make a speech calling for funds to be purchased for war bonds. As long as you become our partners, a new world of luxury and luxury will appear in front of you. Isn't it fascinating?" Yossarian found himself listening intently to this detailed and eloquent tirade. "I'm not sure if I want to give a speech," "Then we won't talk about speeches. The important thing is what you say to the people here." Lieutenant Colonel Korn restrained his smile and looked forward sincerely. Check the body. "We don't want anyone in the group to know that we're sending you home because you're refusing to fly any more missions. We don't want General Peckem or General Scheiskopf to hear that we're at odds. , it is for this reason that we plan to form a good partner with you." "If someone asked me why I refused to fly more missions, what would I tell them?" "Tell them that someone has privately tipped you off to send you home, so you're not willing to risk your life for a mission or two, it's just a small disagreement between good buddies, that's all .” "Will they believe it?" "When they see how close friends we've become, and read the letters, and read all the things you say about me and Colonel Cathcart, they'll believe it. Don't worry about these people. When you're gone, They're easy to discipline and control. They're only going to cause trouble if you're still here. You know, one bad apple can ruin all the others." Lieutenant Colonel Korn ended with deliberate sarcasm His words. "You know -- it's a great way to do that -- and you might be able to motivate them to fly more missions." "What if our country condemns you in the future?" "After you've accepted our medals, promotions, and all the flattery? Nobody's going to believe your word, and the military won't let you do it. Besides, why would you want to do it? You'll be our Remember? You're going to live a rich, luxurious life. You're going to get rewards and privileges. You'd be a fool if you threw it all away just for a code of ethics, but you Not a fool. Deal?" "I have no idea." "Take this deal or be court-martialed." "And so I've played a very dirty trick on my brothers in the squadron, haven't I?" "A disgusting hoax," Lieutenant Colonel Korn agreed amiably.With a gleam of secret pleasure in his eyes, he watched Yossarian patiently, awaiting his answer. "To hell with it!" Yossarian yelled. "If they don't want to fly more missions, tell them to step up and do something like me, right?" "Of course," Colonel Korn said. "I have no reason to risk my life for them, do I?" "of course not." Yossarian grinned quickly and made up his mind. "It's a deal!" he announced beamingly. "Excellent," Colonel Korn said.He was not as enthusiastic as Yossarian had hoped.He slid from Colonel Cathcart's desk and stood on the floor, ripping at the crotch of his trousers and underpants before offering a limp hand for Yossarian to hold. "Welcome to join us." "Thanks, Colonel. I—" "Call me Blackie, John. We're partners now." "Of course, Blackie. My friends call me Jo-Jo. Blackie, I—" "His friends call him Jo Yo," Lieutenant Colonel Korn called out to Colonel Cathcart. "Jo Yo took such a wise step, why don't you congratulate him?" "It's a very wise step you're taking, J-Jo," Colonel Cathcart said, squeezing Yossarian's hand with awkward enthusiasm. "Thank you, Colonel. I—" "Call him Chuck," Colonel Korn said. "Of course, call me Chuck," Colonel Cathcart laughed earnestly and awkwardly. "We're partners now." "Of course, Chuck." "Let's go out with a smile." Cohen Zhongshang said and put his hands on the shoulders of the two of them respectively, and the three of them walked towards the door together. "Come and dine with us some evening, Jo-Jo," Colonel Cathcart invited graciously. "How about tonight? In the dining room at Group Headquarters." "I'd love to, sir." "Chuck," Colonel Korn corrected reproachfully. "I'm sorry, Blackie. Chuck. I'm not used to it yet." "It's okay, man." "Of course, man." "Thanks, buddy." "You're welcome, buddy." "Goodbye, buddy." Yossarian waved his new companion affectionately and strolled down the balcony corridor.When he was alone, he almost sang aloud.He is free and can return home.He achieved his goal, his resistance was successful, and he was safe and sound. Besides, he didn't do anything to offend anyone.He walked toward the stairs with ease and joy.A soldier in a green work uniform saluted him, and Yossarian returned the salute cheerfully.Out of curiosity, he glanced at the soldier.He wondered how familiar the soldier looked, and when Yossarian returned the salute, the soldier in green work uniform suddenly turned into Nately's whore.With a bone-handled kitchen knife in her hand, she slashed down on him threateningly, slashing at his waist just below the upraised arm.Yossarian screamed and fell to the ground.Seeing the woman slashing at him again, he closed his eyes in horror. At that moment, Colonel Korn and Colonel Cathcart rushed out of the office and scared the woman away. It saved his life. However, he has lost consciousness.